A few weeks ago my wife didn't attend a family function cause she was sick. She texted me asking me to make sure I bring a cupcake home for her. When I get home she asks "Did you bring me a plate of food?"...No? I brought you the cupcake you asked for. "WOW okay, I haven't eaten a normal meal all day I guess I'll eat cereal for dinner". I had been solo with the two kids all day. I could have exploded.
My wife has a small fireproof safe she keeps documents and such in. Go to add the kids SS cards, and ask where the key is. "Should be in it" It's nowhere to be found. "should be easy to open with a butter knife" It is not. Side-note: how do I get into this safe?
Someone robs your house they're 100% taking that safe. Gotta think 2 steps ahead of the criminals. I keep my important documents in a bathroom drawer. No way they're checking there.
Wife just called me and said she blew out a tire. I asked if there was a nail in it or something since they are new tires. She says no nail I probably hit something can’t say for sure. She has hit a lot of things in cars so there is a zero percent chance I believe she has no idea how this happened.
You should've been able to slip a butter knife in and slide the metal tab back to unlocked. Source: have opened them before like this. They're for safety from fires, not people.
We drove down to Miami today for a spring break getaway. Wife made dinner reservations for tonight earlier today. I just read the dress code policy and it says no shorts. I didn’t bring any pants. She was aware of this when she booked.
That's a stupid thing a restaurant does imo. She actually may have done you a solid since dinner will probably be cheaper now
They have loaner pants. It was $200 to cancel the reservation. So I’ll be wearing loaner pants with my Nikes
I am fucking howling at a restaurant having loaner pants. “Hello yes I need to rent some pants so that I can eat my steak.”
Should have gone to Walmart and gotten some of those sweats that have juicy on the ass. I have never in my life been to a place so fancy that it had a reservation cancellation fee. Hope you spring for the blooming onion
Be careful, he might get hard thinking about how many other bulges have been in those pants and possibly commando.
Did you use your credit card to book the restaurant? How the hell would they enforce a $200 fee for canceling a reservation? Talk about red flags everywhere.
That is how that works. And if it's a restaurant on South Beach, it's guaranteed to be over priced garbage aimed at shitty tourists.
Reservation cancellation fees for day of cancellation are pretty common at nicer restaurants in major cities post Covid
Jigga do not read this post until you are out of your rental pants How many farts do y’all think have passed through those pants? I wonder if it’s like when you wear a respirator to install insulation for a whole afternoon and afterwards the fabric is a little discolored. Like maybe there is a slight brown patch on the ass of these pants from all the vaporized poo particles that have passed through them.
Considering I was not the only person to have to use loaner pants while I was there it seems pretty common so hopefully they wash them. I got up at the end to go change and my wife had completely forgotten I had loaner pants. I have no idea how that slipped her mind.
New life goal unlocked: collect as many pairs of loaner pants as I can from overpriced touristy restaurants.
It was good. Overpriced but good. My kid got some cheesewheel pasta which was the main reason she chose that place
I always thought the bowling alley shoes were pretty gross. And to think - those only occasionally touch my testicles. Pants are just too much