Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
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    Damn dude. Glad she's gonna be ok.
     
  2. bro

    bro Your Mother’s Favorite Shitposter
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    Buddy of mine did this one. Almost burn the place down. He was super hungover but sheesh
     
    RapesWithaSmile likes this.
  3. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    We just bought a house a few months ago, and have dropped excessive amounts of money on appliances, furniture, etc. We also have a daughter on the way in June.

    Mrs: I think we should try to limit our spending to only stuff we need
    Me: I think that's a great idea.

    5 minutes pass.

    Mrs: did I show you the Valentine's Day outfit I bought for our daughter?
    Me: our daughter is due in 6 months. Why in the world would you buy her an outfit for a holiday in 2?
    Mrs. It's for Valentine's Day 2018
    Me: :facepalm:
     
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  4. bama1

    bama1 I like you
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    Get ready, you will be dealing with that shit for now on. Don't try to make sense of it, just go with the flow. I think we've had shoes that are size 6/7 since before she was born and she's still not in them. Got them because, "they were cute" :bang:
     
  5. Woodrow

    Woodrow Well-Known Member
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    We have to leave at 8 a.m. this morning for kids soccer and basketball games. I've communicated this to her more than once. We have three young kids and three dogs in the house. I'm rushing around at 7:50 trying to get everyone dressed, bags packed, dogs fed, when I realize my wife is nowhere to be found. I wander up to our room and my wife is taking her sweet ass time, clearly not ready to leave.

    Me: What are you doing? We have to leave at 8.
    Wife: (incredulous) I thought you said I had until 8 to get ready.
    Me: :edmond:
     
  6. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
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    When was she ready to actually leave the house?
     
  7. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    When I was a toddler my mom was doing laundry and had me sitting on the bed with the coat hangers and clothes. She heard some screaming and turned around to find a young One Two with a dangling coat hanger pierced through my lip. Apparently I thought it would taste good.
     
  8. Woodrow

    Woodrow Well-Known Member
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    She wasn't too late. I was pissed because apparently I was the only adult in the house.
     
  9. lfriend

    lfriend Well-Known Member
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    If your mom is like my wife, she freaked out harder than you did.
     
    One Two likes this.
  10. Magneto

    Magneto Thats right, formerly Don Brodka.
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    You poor soul....
     
  11. Lefthook

    Lefthook token Oregon State fan
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    We got some snow/sleet that thawed and froze a few times and made an ice rink out of places, including my driveway. Wife was bitching that she was going to have to shovel the driveway since I just came off surgery last Friday. I went and grabbed the container of rock salt and told the wife to spread it on the driveway while she argued "what's that going to do, there isn't enough to cover the driveway enough for people to get traction..." now she thinks I'm a wizard for knowing how to melt the ice in the driveway and is complaining to everyone that we should salt the roads here. :laugh:
     
  12. GoodForAnother

    GoodForAnother I lost my heart to a Galway girl
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    I was blown away how unprepared the south is for winter weather the first time I saw it here in north Texas
     
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  13. Russellin4885

    Russellin4885 Well-Known Member
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    I guess but how much time and resources are you going to put into something that only happens a couple time a year (at least here in North Carolina).
     
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  14. Rabid

    Rabid Fan of: DQ Treats
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    Because it is better than this.
    [​IMG]
     
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  15. tjosu

    tjosu This is kind of like the breakfast club, huh?
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    Besides the obvious in this gif, I'm really confused as to why that guy is in shorts and a t shirt
     
  16. cutig

    cutig My name is Rod, and I like to party
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    He lives in the south and it was probably 70 the day before
     
  17. MORBO!

    MORBO! Hello, Tiny Man. I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!!
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    I was thinking the same thing. What the fuck was that guy doing?
     
  18. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    He surely thought to himself why put time and resources on clothes that you might just use once a year?
     
  19. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    yeah, well maybe he used his pants and jacket to swaddle a baby in a stranded car or to apply compression to someone with a life-threatening injury. you guys sure are quick to assume the worst about people, gosh.
     
    #1769 a.tramp, Dec 19, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2016
  20. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    jk, what a stupid fuck
     
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  21. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    [​IMG]
     
  22. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    I was the same way my first winter here in central Texas when there was solid ice on all the roads for two days
    I was one of only 3 people to show up to the office the first day, maybe 5 the second, drove to arby's for lunch and they were closed

    Now I just say fuck it and act like everyone else and stay home with a fire in the fire place
     
  23. GoodForAnother

    GoodForAnother I lost my heart to a Galway girl
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    I moved here from KC during the ice storm in December 2013, drove a moving truck and moved in with ice all over the place. People thought we were nuts. I was like it's December so
     
  24. Russellin4885

    Russellin4885 Well-Known Member
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    Funny enough that is about 1 mile from my house. That was an absolute perfect storm of a disaster. Storm hit around closing time for businesses and wasn't supposed to hardly do anything. It put down snow fast though and was a cluster fuck. Took me close to 4 hours to get home from work that day.
     
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  25. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
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    There was snow and ice here a few years back during one of the storms. Of course we don't have salt for such occasions so the city put sand on bridges. Was really nice to ride on when it melted.
     
  26. Lefthook

    Lefthook token Oregon State fan
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    My wife works at a hospital in the Portland suburbs. We live in another suburb 26 miles away. When it snowed last week the traffic was so bad that it took her 6.5 hours to get home from work. Normally a 35 minute door to door commute.
     
  27. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    they did that here on a hill that has a stoplight at the bottom of it
    was awesome that afternoon when it was all dry
     
    Redav likes this.
  28. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    holy shit
     
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  29. Celemo

    Celemo tell 'em Steve-Dave
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    lol we were talking about this in the rtt. Due to a bad back, I left work early the day it started snowing. Took some muscle relaxers and chilled for 5-6 hrs. That evening I open up facebook and was laughing at all the "it took me ___ hours to get home" posts. A portion of our staff spent the night at the hospital. 15 people called in the next morning yet every single patient made it in for their surgery
     
  30. Lefthook

    Lefthook token Oregon State fan
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    I've got a little Subaru with snow tires on it - took her to work the next day and it only took me 45 minutes. Once the roads were sanded it was fine - I had surgery Friday morning and although the wife still made me drive (lol) there was nothing to worry about. It was just a full day's commute traffic dumped into those icy conditions turned the whole city into a parking lot. I was at home on tmb lol
     
  31. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    Lol
     
  32. DistantFactor

    DistantFactor Sesquipedalian
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    My wife was working in Beaverton and couldn't leave until 3. We live 5 miles from her work and it took 3 hours to drive home with our two year old. It was chaos.
     
  33. Pirasea

    Pirasea Well-Known Member
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    You live really close to me then, that day did suck.
     
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  34. MORBO!

    MORBO! Hello, Tiny Man. I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!!
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    Took me thirty minutes to get home (~3.5 miles). My pickup was able to get up the hill that looked like a car graveyard at the bottom, otherwise it would have taken me a lot longer.
     
  35. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
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    4X4 is awesome. I'd never had it before until I got my truck. Makes you feel like a boss on the road in bad weather.
     
  36. BB3

    BB3 watch our for your cornhole bud...
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    We were buying things to host my family over the Holidays at Trader Joe's. Wife loves this Portuguese wine. We were standing in line to checkout and she says she's going to get some of that wine to share with my mother.

    About 5 minutes later (long lines) she comes back empty handed. Says she couldn't find it in the South American section.

    [​IMG]

    I told her to wait with the cart. Walked over and grabbed the wine. She was befuddled. Asked me where I found it. I said where Portugal is actually located in the European section.

    No sex that night.
     
  37. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    It's 75 degrees and sunny today.
     
  38. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
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    wut
     
  39. LetItSoak

    LetItSoak Well-Known Member
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    They speak Portuguese in Brazil which is in South America so that's something
     
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  40. BB3

    BB3 watch our for your cornhole bud...
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    I NEARLY gave her the benefit of the doubt on that. But then I asked why she thought it was in South America and she had nothing. Ruling stands.
     
  41. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    All this talk about dealing with winter, I just wanted to share that I don't understand these feels. Let me have this because when summer rolls around and its hot as balls, you will get your revenge
     
    Baron likes this.
  42. dahldennsull

    dahldennsull Living in the best state
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    I'm guessing she does not know this fact... and I bet her language guess would have been 'brazilian'
     
  43. blind dog

    blind dog wps
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    My wife lost her credit card & atm card for the 183rd time. I check the history every day so I know its not stolen, shit is in her car or coat pocket or something. She calls me mad as hell b/c she just went to get the kids breakfast and is out of gas and can't ever fill her tank up b/c she has to pay cash. Now she has to walk in the gas station and she "isn't dressed for it"

    Also we are going on vacation next week and she is bitching about what is she going to do without a credit card (which is weird b/c we will be together the entire time). Only response I could come up with is try being a fucking grown up and not losing all your shit all the time
     
  44. texasraider

    texasraider thanks
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    god you're such an asshole sometimes ugh
     
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  45. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    Preach. Preach. Preach.
     
  46. Lefthook

    Lefthook token Oregon State fan
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    this is my best friend's wife. He couldn't get her to hang on to a smart phone to save his life, which is a problem because they have 4 kids. :laugh:


    solution: The oldest one is now charged with keeping track of her mom's cell phone
     
  47. DrTomOsbourne

    DrTomOsbourne Fully Husked
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    Has the existence of the Hallmark channel and their awful awful Christmas movies been mentioned ITT yet?
     
  48. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    you watch your whore mouth mr
     
  49. Lefthook

    Lefthook token Oregon State fan
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    single best thing about cancelling subscription TV for digital content. Wife stuck her bottom lip out earlier (cutting cable was her idea, I was holding out because sports) this week and mentioned how she missed the Hallmark Channel.

    I think she managed to find it on Hulu though
     
  50. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    Eating at a Argentinian Steakhouse last night

    Me: how's your steak?
    Her: not bad for a Chinese restaurant
    Me: what? Chinese?
    Her: well, you know what I mean. It's all asian