She used to use my razor to trim her bush, pits, and legs. Cut that shit out with a quickness. I travel for my job, a lot. When I don't travel, she thinks I'm her errand boy and that all chores around house should be completed by 5pm. Do you even paperwork, expense report, conference call, prospect?
My, as of Saturday, wife informed me that she was shocked that Aruba wasn't just blonde-haired, blue-eyed Dutch people. She also thinks every insect down here has Zika and every shell she steps on in the water are baby sea turtle eggs. This girl graduated magna cum laude from a top 30 school and that was day one of the honeymoon. I decided to give myself a treat by changing her phone background to a pic of Natalee Hollaway.
Came home late last night and got into bed. Meaningless chit-chat for a few minutes, and then "Oh, I forgot to tell you something." Um, OK. "Tonight I was getting something under the sink and I noticed water in the bucket. Something must be leaking." "Was that before or after you ran the dishwasher?" "Before." "Did you at least dump the bucket first? Did you look to see what's leaking?" "No, why?" "Because everything empties through the sink." "WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!?"
I've found the more annoying version of "she can't find her keys and they're in her purse": I can't find my keys and they're in her purse. Spoiler Her purse left the house with her 30 minutes ago
My wife does this shit ALL THE TIME My work token to log into my desktop at work is connected to my keys so if I want to work from home I obviously need my keys. Never fails that any time I plan a work at home day, she can't find her keys and takes mine because I put mine in the same spot every day.
Most infuriating thing ever was when my MIL would come to our house and park behind my spot in the drive way, then run off with my wife in my wife's car with her keys in her purse.
My girlfriend cleans the house by first sweeping and mopping. Then she commences to dust and wipe all the shit on the countertops and shelves and what not on to the recently cleaned floors. I tell her she is doing it in reverse order and her response (as with any of my cleanliness suggestions) is it met with a watery eyed response of "well. *Sniffles* You know I had maids growing up so I don't know how to clean." I mean A for effort on her part and I may be a little OCD when it comes to tidiness, but I mean does anyone else sweep and mop first, then dust/wipe shit down?
Wife comes home yesterday from a graduation party slightly annoyed. I ask why. Her: "The front of my car is scratched because of the damn security gate in their development." I go out and look at it...yep...banged the front, slight dent, scratched...super. "So...this happened when you were leaving the neighborhood?" Her: "yeah" "Did you not see the gate was closed before you tried to drive through it?" Her: "YES I saw the gate was closed...I stopped and it started to open but I didn't know it opened TOWARD the car!" "You didn't know it opened toward the car..." About an an hour later I drive to take my son to get a haircut and figure fuck it, let me swing by there to see if there's any signs because if I'm gonna be an asshole I want to have sources. Sure as shit, there's not one but TWO signs at the exit:
Watching the thunder game just now, Ibaka had a big dunk Wife: you can dunk in the NBA?!?! Me: ........ Wife: What? I thought you told me you couldn't dunk in NBA? or was it college? Me: ..... Wife: why are you reaching for your laptop? Is this going on the mainboard?
did you ever have to explain to her that you can't dunk pregame in college? or that they once banned dunking in the NBA to stop Wilt?