Tough sledding Hank Scorpio . Remember that your grieving process is exactly that, yours. Do what feels right to you and do not worry about what others think. As for the eulogy, just try to make some time to sit and write down some memories. You'll find it. And no one is going to remember and/or judge what you say. People understand that it's an incredibly difficult thing to do.
I’m so sorry man. I worked on a dementia unit for a few years and saw first-hand the damage it does to that persons families. Life is hard enough. This makes it even harder. I’d love to offer advice to make it easier to understand and accept but it’s impossible. I just wish you total peace and clarity on the journey you are going through.
Different circumstances but I had to sort through a lot of feelings for my dad’s eulogy. I ended up writing down some stuff that I needed to get off my chest but discarded it, that helped me focus on the better memories from my childhood
I'm sure that's what I'll end up doing. Got the text that hospice ordered end of life care today. He just got home from a 5 day respite care stay at a hospice center where they essentially just kept him in a medically induced coma. Thankfully I was able to get a new car Sunday, so I'm safe to make the 1.5 hr drive down to Sarasota. Gonna try to head down for the day tomorrow. Hopefully my back/sciatica can handle the drive.
Lost my mom two years ago and the last two, three years of her life were hard to see as she went down hill with dementia. She was always positive, nice and caring…. I can honestly say I dont think she ever yelled at me or my brother once in our lives and we certainly deserved it. The last month or so she was a vegetable, but she wasn’t suffering I feel so that helped. Bitter sweet when she passed honestly. Was glad it was over for her. Anyone here going through it with family my thoughts are with you. If anyone needs to vent in private feel free to DM.
Made the visit today. Dad looked like a skeleton. Couldn't talk outside of a couple faint yes or nos. Can't imagine he's had anything to eat in a week. Should be any day now. Mom has also lost a ton of weight from all the stress and depression. Also had a terrible sounding cough. Wouldn't be shocked if she had a life threatening health event soon if she doesn't start taking care of herself.
It’s not easy, but one thing that helped me during this time was remembering how many good healthy years you had with them. Also one thing my mom said to me in my late 20s. She said I can die in peace/today because my kids are and will be fine.. I lost her like 15ish years later, but the fact she said that and how I feel about my kids made me feel better. She knew we were fine and didn’t need her anymore. Doesn’t make it easier, but just my journey
Glad you were able to see him. The closure will be helpful in the months ahead. Hope you sciatica wasn't too bad.
Just got the call from my mom. He passed about 20 min ago. Really grateful I got to see him 1 last time, but also feel a sense of relief for him, my mom, and my grandma who was helping take care of him since she retired last year.
Home for the first time since Christmas, took the old man fishing today. It was by far his favorite thing before he got sick. He asked me if I knew his son a few times, then 5 minutes later would ask if I'm staying in my old bedroom. But, he had a blast and it's all he's talked about since we got home. He'll probably forget by tomorrow, but for now it's a good day. And I just made ceviche with some fresh triggerfish. Spoiler
My dad loved to fish, also. He was primarily a bass man in his later years. This was the last time he was on the water. I had to work hard to persuade him to leave his recliner and get out of the house. This man who loved being on his boat was ready to go home after ten minutes. He passed about 4 months later.
Yeah my mom was a hospital nurse for damn near 40 years. She's been telling me since i was way too young that she would not wanna continue to live like this. Now that she's in memory care, it's more clear than ever that she was the brain, backbone and heart of my family. Dad is just lost, has no idea how to be or what to do. I wish i could say "we don't need her anymore," but since my wife left us last year, every day i think of how i wish nothing more than to still have mom/grandma around. Raising 2 young kids on my own is hard enough. Raising my father just fucking sucks.
My mom got diagnosed with dementia about a year ago. It had gotten to the point that living in her senior living facility wasn't enough care so we moved her to a mental care facility. Her issues have been sundowners and not remembering my dogs names and kind of every day forgetful stuff. Last night for the first time it seemed to take the next step. She called me asking for my sister, who doesn't live here. I explained that to her and told her she was having some memory issues but if she had any questions, I'd be happy to answer them. She asked if I was married (15 years) and if I had any kids (no). Just now she called asking "where is mom?" I asked if she was referring to her mother, Pauline, she said yes. I'm 46 and Pauline died before I was born. So I had to tell her that and it upset her. Then she asked about Dad, who also died before I was born. Definitely took a big turn these past few days. I'm thankful for this thread and seeing some interactions on instagram with people in similar situations. It has made my patience with her much better than I would have expected.
My friends just lost their father after a very swift decline to dementia. I’m heartbroken but one day later I’ll let them know how lucky they are that he went quick. Dealing with this for long stages like some of did is far worse, but it just sucks that this happens.
So I posted the obituary I wrote for my dad on social media a couple hrs ago and it's taking every ounce of restraint not to give a sarcastic remark to people I haven't interacted with in years who didn't even know him offering their condolences, thoughts & prayers, etc. I must be dead inside (I'm not, it's just a defense mechanism that I'm constantly keeping in check). Anyway, I'm going to post my favorite part here because it's the side of him I always romanticized. There are a lot of great stories I've heard over the years when he was in his 20s and 30s before I was even a glimmer in his eye (he was 42 when I was born) that made me wish I could pull a Back to the Future and hang out with him. "Dave was also an avid fisherman, which brought him great joy throughout his life. After catching the fishing bug as a child, he found his sea legs serving as first mate on fishing charters off the east coast of Florida and down into the Caribbean in the 1960s. During this time, Dave acquired countless experiences and “fishing stories,” (from surviving hurricanes in the cabin to leading a certain James Bond actor on a memorable excursion) which he gleefully regaled to anyone who would listen. The money that Dave earned from these charters was ultimately used to fund the education needed for his true calling and life goal of becoming an architect, with him earning his degree from the University of Florida in 1968."
This mother fucker took Sean Connery fishing while filming Thunderball (apparently with a lot of naked Bond girls/groupies), threw Jack Nicklaus' kid in the water right in front of him for being an asshole, stayed on board on a 40 ft boat while docked during a Cat 3 hurricane, and beat the shit out of a small biker gang for disrespecting his friend. It helps when you're 6'4" 240 in your prime. Apparently there are plenty of other wild stories that I've never been told before. Dude was a menace!